I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
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So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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