my mouth tastes like poor choices
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
