Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
