How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
