so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
