So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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