all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
