i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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