I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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