i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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