Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
