i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
