I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
