Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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