we're chasing vodka with high fives
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
