Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
