fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
