now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
