I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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