i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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