If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
