Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
