idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
