I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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