All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize