I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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