I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
