please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
