My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
