So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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