I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
