Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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