***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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