bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
