need another drink. this is the easiest way
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
