you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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