Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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