Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
