Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
