ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
