AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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