Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
