I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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