He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
