she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
