Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize