his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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