I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
