im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
