so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
