I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
