ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can't talk, ducks in the car
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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