in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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