Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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