When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
