Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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