we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
