i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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