At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
as a side note pls kill me
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