I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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