All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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