she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
