Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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