i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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