He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
