my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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